Intermission

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Lesson #7: On `going full-time'

For the uninitiated, `going full-time' is a loaded word for the protestant Singaporean Christian. It means taking the plunge and signing the dotted line with God – wearing the collar, toting the line, walking the talk, serving Holy Communion, conducting funerals, or whatever you want to call it.

Now the protestant Singapore Christian Church has one of the most hardworking groups of volunteer lay folk in the world, not counting the indefatigable mountain-praying South Koreans of course. No matter what month it is, something is going on: an all-night prayer meeting in the heartlands, distribution of oranges in the neighbourhood during Chinese New Year, mooncakes during Mooncake Festival, loaves of bread in ordinary time, Chinese evangelical concerts, seeker-sensitive plays, festivals of praise, church camps, healing services, leadership seminars, walk-a-tons to raise money, oh the numerous fund-raisers! Golf tournaments, car washings, flyers in the mail, fancy dinners, charity concerts, swim-a-tons, flag days, the selling of cookies, calendars, seasoned meat, pineapple tarts – you name it, they're doing it. They are so worn-out from their running around they can't tell their tail from their head.

So for many of these lay people, `going full time' is like a dream come true. They dream of a time when they don't have to rush to church for a five-hour meeting after a long and stressful day at work, or feel pressured by their secular bosses' unethical demands, or their colleague's back-biting, or the unending rat-race to the top. They think, "How wonderful it would be to do God's work full-time! 8 hours a day without any distraction! To be able to focus on the things that truly matter in life!"

Ah, but as they say, the grass is always (deceptively) greener on the other side. These good-hearted folks have some ridiculous expectations of `full-time ministry' – they expect God to speak to them every morning, that their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ will be kind, loving, and above all, submissive to their own Spirit-led ideas, that the church members will listen to them 'cos they have a "Rev" in front of their names, that the church, above all, will have absolutely no politics. They completely miss the point! Just like the British forces missed the point when they pointed their loaded cannons towards the South-China Sea – because the Japanese were invading with bicycles from Malaysia.



Without the army of lay people, the Singapore church is worth nothing. I would rather they all sign up to be pastors and priests and have them completely absorbed with their local church going-ons that they forget that there is a larger world outside their four walls.

Lesson #8: On fasting

(For Smole, in point-form, so she doesn't feel like she needs a
highlighter when she reads these long-winded posts.)

Ms Nomer is fasting from fast food this Lent.
The more she tries to abstain from fast food, the more obsessed she
has been about food in general.
Which means she is eating a lot more this Lent, as evidenced in the
list of what she consumed yesterday.
1 lor mai kai (glutinous rice with chicken)
2 cups of coffee, with milk and sugar
2 pieces fried chicken
Coleslaw
Mashed potatoes
1 cup coke
2 Crystal Jade char siew bao (Stewed meat bun)
1 pork floss bun
1 plate Halal chicken rice, and
1 spoonful chicken soup with pasta
Which led Pink tutu to message her: "No wonder you need to exercise
and I dun! ;) "
Which is perfectly smoozy with me.

Yours,
Anthrope

Lesson #9: On Reality Shows

You will never be able to guess what Ms Nomer and her friend Smole
have been up to while I've been patiently blog-sitting Pencil
Shavings. You'll never hear it from Ms Nomer herself either, since she
is so miserably shy and defensive about her privacy, but I'll tell
you; heck, I'll tell you anything if it is to my advantage: they are
busy making a three-minute audition tape for the Amazing Race Asia
2007.

I watch from my hole in the guitar and laugh at their conceit: they
think that people will be interested in watching them on TV!

Ms Nomer: "Hi my name is Ms Nomer and this is my best buddy Smole."

Smole (in the sweetest Ms Universe voice): "We are both 28 and we come
from the sunny island of Singapore!"

Together: "And we want to be on the Amazing Race!"
Makes you want to cringe in your seat, really, if it wasn't so funny
to begin with.

If TV makes people have unrealistic expectations about what life
should be like, reality TV is even better. It blurs the line between
what is real and what is made-up: Everybody can be a star! (American
Idol) You can be the next Donald Trump! (The Apprentice) My life is so
interesting that I want to broadcast every minute detail to the entire
world! (Big Brother) Life is just a back-stabbing game to the top!
(Survivor). Quite brilliant, actually. Who would have thought of it?
That real life should be more absorbing than fiction?

Mwhahahhaha!

Hi, let me introduce myself. I am Ms Anthrope, Ms Nomer's evil twin.
Ms Nomer usually keeps me locked up in the circle hollow of her
guitar, torturing me with love ballads late into the night. Have you
ever heard her pluck her guitar and belt the sorrowful dirge "Why does
the sun go on shining?" at midnight? It makes you wish you were dead.

Well, she forgot to lock me in tonight in her haste to go to bed early
in preparation for a morning run tomorrow, so I've escaped and
hijacked her blog. It is a mark of my superior intelligence, ability
and personality that I've taken over this blog. Besides, this blog has
been wishy-washy for far too long! Ms Nomer doesn't know who she is,
what she wants, where she is going, or even how she got to where she
is. Look at the name she chose for herself, for crying out loud! This
blog needs a leader.

Needless to say, I know exactly where I am going with this blog now
that I've taken over ownership. No more of this sentimental feel-good
crap. No more geeky book reviews; no more mundane run reports; and
especially, no more teenage angst.

Ms Anthrope will lead you and be your queen.